I am SO firmly stuck in the painful week 2s right now. And I’m behind on other things that I keep putting off until after I finish my writing for the day. And then I don’t finish my writing for the day so I don’t finish anything. I have been keeping on top of dishes and cooking dinner every day, though. The dryer is full of clean laundry to sort, I owe emails to two friends, I only wrote about 600 words yesterday, no one is running sprints on the @NaNoWordSprints and I am floundering and lonely. It’s a pain that writing super early is best for me. I think maybe I should try a different schedule today. So maybe I will do some to do list items and then come back to it, but when I think about doing this I get a sick feeling in my gut.
The most annoying thing is that I know, I KNOW, if I just started writing that every tight feeling in my chest and stomach would ease up. It happened yesterday when I managed that 600 words, but it didn’t last the full half hour session. I need to get comfortable with skipping scenes, perhaps, for letting the story just jump over these day to day trivialities. I hate how I feel like I have to chronicle every second of my characters days… but… I feel like I don’t know how to transition from scene to scene. I know that it’s okay. Because this is NaNoWriMo. I can write these boring moments and then cut them out, later. It’s fine. One interesting thing about this feeling is that when I read back on my NaNoWriMos, all of which I have felt this way about, I actually feel like I did a fine job skipping the mundane things and my transitions seem pretty logical. They often read enough like real books that it startles me. I find they need way less editing than I had imagined they would when I was writing them.
I guess I forgot how much hashing out my feelings on this blog is key, as well. I just feel like this month is busier than ever. In years past I have made an update here almost every day that I wrote. That’s incredible to me. Where did I find the time?
Today, my procrastination has been spent watching music videos on youtube and dancing around the living room. At least it was somewhat aerobic.
I feel less fatalistic about my novel at this moment than I did a half hour ago, or yesterday, or the day before that. I’ll get through this. I always do.
So I’m going to go an write myself a schedule for today that puts my writing in the afternoon instead of the morning and see how I do with it.
17265 / 50000 words. 35% done!
I took Tuesday off. That is to say, I did a bunch of other stuff on Tuesday. I cleaned the whole house and cooked a super labor intensive dinner for Shaun’s parents and grandmother. It was actually a really fun and positive day, and having left off Monday with my heart full of novel-love, I thought picking it back up yesterday would be a breeze. It felt like the perfect time to take a day off.
I was woefully mistaken.
Yesterday was the worst writing day I have had in years. I spent all day staring at my novel, reading passages from No Plot? No Problem!, gazing at pep talks, starting my timer and then stopping it. I told myself I would be able to write with Shaun. I could make up my missed day over a few days. It would all be okay, but I felt awful about it, even though I knew that these things were true.
Part of my problem is that I outlined some last week. I know where the novel is going and some of the surprise is gone. I love when my nanowrimo runs away in some unexpected direction and I can’t help but feel like my outline is railroading it. I tried to leave lots of gaps for surprise, but instead they’re filled with me rushing through mundane exposition so I can get to the next thing I outlined. It’s just really boring to write like that. Next year I’m going in completely unprepared. I’m always full of what I’m going to do next year around this point. Next year I’m going to write a story about a family of stoats who stop an ancient evil from rising up while their daughter is participating in a child beauty pageant. Next year I’m going to write a romance between a dorito and a cheese doodle. Next year my novel will have tap dancing corgis.
Shaun came home and proposed we write for a solid hour. I panicked a little and Shaun helped me through it and I did write. I wrote for a half hour or so, but I was feeling very negative and it wasn’t a productive session. I got 703 words written yesterday and I’m glad I wrote. I’m glad I got through yesterday because of course I feel much better today and I am grateful to my yesterday self that I don’t have to make up two complete days because I did get something down yesterday. Even if it all has to be scrapped after November, it was part of the process. Of course everything is going to be okay. Great, even. It always is.
30711 / 50000 words. 61% done!
Per my previous entry, which was crossposted to flickr & facebook, the things around my house that people asked to see!
my screen door.
my sock drawer.
under the bed (there’s a rug!)
one word. (loved this request!)
my nightmare before christmas collection (decided to tuck most of it away with Halloween this year, to keep it special!)
my “medicine chest” is just the top of the refrigerator.
my junk drawer.
Nolan (the hanging skeleton!) got particular attention.
a piece of garbage (awaiting recycling. I need to get an attractive recycling bin!)
used tea leaves. (this was a great excuse to drink some tea in my nanowrimo mug yesterday!)
a book shelf!
our no two drinking glasses alike collection (but it’s not quite that!)
I had so much fun with these requests! I wrote a little more about how it helped my creative process in my blog about NaNoWriMo: Day 12. Consider the request open indefinitely, though my response time might lag a bit.
I was a day ahead on my word count, so yesterday, I did not write. Maybe it was a bad idea, because I am starting to feel the week 2s, but I did get a lot done around the house, and when Shaun got home, we went out for a deliciously wonderful dinner date. When we got home we played card games into the wee hours, which for us is about 10pm. We’re a couple of wild animals. Today, the house looks a treat and we have leftover Indian food in the fridge, so I know it was worth it. Indian food is always worth it.
In NaNoWriMo related news, my donor goodies came yesterday! I totally need this NaNoWriMo Power-Up today.
I did not write at all. I barely even thought about it. I feel like my week two is probably extending a bit because my word count hasn’t quite reached the levels of week three yet. I played Dungeons & Dragons all day. There you have it.
I should have hit the delightful halfway mark today, but I did not. 23,560 word count from Saturday unchanged. So it goes.
I didn’t write today. I renamed a character and changed the way that he is addressed and that, oh yes, that gave me 25 words, but I didn’t actually write. I let Shaun read what I have so far, and I read his 15,175 words of texty goodness. We found this mutually enjoyable. We finished up the Christmas tree, got groceries, Shaun played some Kingdom Hearts, I played some Sims 2, we watched Fifth Element and I cooked a somewhat processed but nonetheless yummy dinner. It was a good day.