Remember this series? Bringing it back. 2012 was a great year. I had a photo in 5×5 magazine, we got to spend time with good friends, I had jury duty and didn’t expire from the experience, we took a mini-vacation and pretended to be tourists in our own city for our anniversary, I turned 27 and had a dinosaur themed birthday party, and I started a video project on my birthday in August that led me to shoot a few seconds of video everyday for the next year (that will be my next post in this series!)
I love art memes even though I’m not much of an artist. They’re practically the only thing that motivates me to practice. I wish I had the time to do literally everything.
I really struggled on the dislikes. Everything I dislike pretty much comes back to “hate.” I always always take the dislikes/pet peeves/things you hate too seriously. I know I have some things I mildly dislike, but I don’t dislike those things enough to call them out? Like… olives? Not super into them, but I have been working on eating them anyway. I think of foods I dislike as a challenge. Obviously, I don’t eat meat. It wasn’t my favorite food when I did eat it, but I don’t feel strongly about disliking it. Anyway, I overthink. I think it’s fun to see those little whatever-things that people dislike. Think think think. Okay: I’m not super into war based video games, eggs, the color pink, cheap chocolate, or toe socks.
I could have gone on and on with the things I like, though! I keep thinking of things I wish I had included. Like Dinosaurs, Lego, Video Games, Gothic novels, Bullet Journals, the color orange, on and on and on. Liking things is the best, I recommend it.
I started a semi-private 365 set on Patreon on January 1st at the $1 per month level. I’ve done a couple of completely private 365 self portrait/journal entry sets, just for myself/Shaun and I was toying with doing another this year but I had also been trying to come up with something fun to do with Patreon so I combined the two. I’m doing a theme every week, kind of remixing and adding to the list I wrote in 2014, because that set made me feel really happy. In addition to the 365 self portrait set I’m sharing lots of outtakes and other stuff I’ve never posted anywhere before, so even if I have a low week of 365 selfies and one sentence journal entries (and experience tells me, I will) there will be plenty of new content to look through.
I’m also hoping to edit one of my NaNoWriMo novels this year, updates, excerpts and other stuff about that will be on Patreon first, for sure.
In other news, I’ve been working on my 2016 in review photo post for a couple of weeks. It feels a little overwhelming and sad towards the end of the year and revisiting all of those feelings so soon after the fact has been a struggle for me. The past few weeks have been a Christmas vacation for me, but I hope to get back to regular blogging here next week. Thanks for a really good year on WordPress, friends. See you in a bit!
@ten.years.ago is an instagram I made to share the photos I initially edited during my 30 before 30 for a photo book. It has been really interesting for me to see exactly where I was ten years ago!
I’ve really just been doing the bare minimum to keep on top of all of my projects this month. I’ve been vacillating between anxiety and depression. I haven’t been depressed in a while. There was a weird moment of relief, when it first hit me, because anxiety for me is caring a lot and depression is not caring at all. I’ve decided I like anxiety more, though. I can be anxious and happy, I have a lot to show for it when I’m anxious, I’ve been doing it for so many years, I’m very good at it. My depression is mean, too, it’s a voice in my head that says really nasty things to me about how nothing I do or have ever done has mattered. Anxiety tells me it all matters too much, that I can’t give up, that I just have to try harder every day. This is how I have learned to live with it. Up until this past couple of months, I was actually doing really, really well with it, the motivation to DO was there and the bad anxiety stuff was very mild, easy to dismiss, unimportant.
I had a bunch of really bad, 0 words days this month, but because I was depressed, I didn’t really care. A few days ago I was sobbing while cooking dinner, facilitated by PMS, and I think it was one of those mythical good cries. I’ve had maybe three of those my whole entire life. I said all of these things aloud to Shaun, and per usual, he made me feel better, because he’s very good at looking at the logical sides of things, and he knows me so very well. I feel like I turned a corner and things are going to get better. The next day I wrote 2,836 words on my NaNoWriMo. The day after that (yesterday) I wrote 7,108 words, passed 50k, kind of brought the bit of story I was writing to some sort of resolution and won NaNoWriMo for the 11th time.
I’m trying to take today off, but I keep mentally going over all of the things I neglected to do this past month, so good to know I’m firmly back to my anxiety, I guess. Maybe I’ll write them in my bullet journal. That usually helps.
Here are some pictures I took this month:
Tuesday. Woke up bright and early and full of civic fervor. We waited in the misty rain for a half hour or so to vote, right after the polls opened. Everyone was friendly. I was beyond optimistic. I wrote 3,137 words and got back ahead with my word count (ended the day with 14,004). I cooked dinner. We sat on the couch and distracted ourselves from returns with a couple of episodes of Luke Cage and then it started to look bad and Shaun, being mathy, did the math and we went to bed and I cried. (Whoops, there’s my feelings.)
Eight years ago my dad was in the hospital. Being grotesquely optimistic I didn’t believe he was dying even when they told me to say goodbye. I remember my mom telling me that she told him that Obama had won and he seemed to understand and be pleased. He died a little over a month after the election.
Wednesday I waffled between keeping informed about all of the important things the election results mean and taking care of myself because breaking down completely doesn’t help anyone. I feel dramatic, but then also terrified that I’m not being dramatic enough. I dragged Christmas out of storage. Patiently, methodically, put up the tree, strung the lights and tinsel, laid out all of the ornaments so that Shaun and I could finish trimming the tree together when he got home. I watched disc 80 of Dark Shadows in it’s entirety. I put in disc 81 and watched half of that. I took a 3 hour bubble bath. I thought I might not write at all. I didn’t put pressure on myself. In the evening I did, though, I got 1,102 words written, enough to keep on top of my daily goal. We ordered pizza. We drove to pick it up. We got fries with it because potatoes are soothing. We forgot to go to the liquor store and restock the wine. We went after dinner. The clerk commiserated with us and I felt less alone in our precinct that voted 58.8% for, you know, the candidate that won. Also I had wine, so that was good. We trimmed the tree. We watched more Luke Cage. We drank that wine.
Thursday I didn’t write at all.
15106 / 50000 words. 30% done!
I’m going to do my best. My brain isn’t the best brain, but it’s the best brain I’ve got and I’m not gonna give up on us.
Here are some resources I have been looking at to try to find my next step:
Love you guys. <3
We went for a walk after dinner on Sunday and probably got cursed by this amazing cat.
I had a pretty great writing day yesterday, actually. Followed along with lots of sprints on twitter, used the sprint tool on the NaNoWriMo website (have you tried this, yet? I had an INCREDIBLE 350 word 10 minute session with it.) All told I got 2,381 words written yesterday. Still a little behind, but closing the gap daily. My mom came over to work on her current painting. We watched a bunch of General Hospital. Shaun stayed late at school to help some of his students review for a test. I made a tasty Udon Stir Fry for dinner. It was a good day, not much more to say!
10867 / 50000 words. 22% done!